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Stan: So this is that Lance guy you are so gay for.

Steve: If this was just a trick, why did he bother to get the actual quarter I need?
Roger: Because if it wasn't, you'd have known. You'd have heard it in my voice. It had to be real. It probably didn't have to be real.

Roger: You know what I get from watching Bones, Steve? A big throbbing smile.

Roger: Twist ending on that book. Crate training is for dogs.
Hayley: Yeah, no shit, Roger. Now let us out of here!

Roger: I'd have to be a cold-blooded sociopath not to put a leash on this boy and walk him around the block.

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