Stan: Son, in life, it's not what's on the outside that matters, it's on the inside. No one cares how you look.
Steve: Come on, dad.
Stan: I'm serious. In fact, you should be proud of your deformities. Just look at little Helen Keller. Deaf, dumb and blind, and she wrote that whole diary in her attic during World War II. She doesn't sound so dumb to me.

Roger: The devil invented stress, but God struck back with a sandalwood foot scrub.