- Francine: Steve, I don't know why you're telling me this now, or why you're singing the whole story, but your dad and Roger about to play in the finals.
- Francine: Stan, I don't know basketball, but I can tell from the way you're talking you're not good at it.
- Roger: Without the crisscross, I'm just some guy yelling about applesauce.
- Francine: [to Stan] It worries me that bad guy thing you're doing with your hands.
- Roger: Stan, I can't blow this guy in front of all these people.
- Shaquille O'Neal: The Spurs won two NBA championships because the commissioner was worried Tim Duncan looked sad.
- Stan: Doctors are stupid, Roger. They're just failed dentists.
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