Deacon Stan, Jesus Man
Stan and Chuck compete for church deacon.
Season: 1 Episode: 7
Total Episode Count: 7
Prod. no.: 1AJN07
First Aired: June 19, 2005
Guest Starring: Molly Shannon, James Patrick Stuart, Josh Groban
Featuring: Stan, Steve
Also Appearing: Francine, Roger, Hayley, Klaus, Father Donovan, Chuck White, Christie White, Betsy White, Coach Béla Károlyi, Mr. Perkins, Principal Lewis, Terry Bates, Greg Corbin, Marty, Gary, Delta Burke, Karl Rove
Director: John Aoshima
Assistant Director: Eric Fredrickson
Writers: Nahnatchka Khan
Storyboarders: Brian Iles, Harry Sabin
Newspaper Headline: "Bush Finally Gets Joke About Last Name"
Plot: In this episode, we are introduced to the White family. Stan hates the father, Chuck, who always beats the Smiths to church where Chuck gets the shady parking spot and Stan has to park in the sun. At church, the deacon chokes to death on a communion wafer and Chuck volunteers to be deacon. Stan, wanting to beat him, also volunteers. Steve becomes friends with Betsy, Chuck's daughter who has no freedom, is forced to do gymnastics and is not even allowed to hold hands with boys as it leads to kissing and could end with pregnancy, according to Betsy's mother, Christie.
Meanwhile, Roger is going through his reproductive cycle. His breasts give off a milky substance and is left feeling emotional. Tricked by Klaus, Roger eats all of Francine's potato salad she prepared for the Deacon's wake. Trying to make a replacement, he uses his breast milk when he finds out they are out of mayonnaise. Francine serves Roger's salad and it is an instant hit. Discovering the advantage, Stan uses Roger's milk to make more potato salad, with some help from Karl Rove, and is elected deacon. However, Stan's technique of harvesting the alien breast milk has bad side effects and Roger chokes. Steve then gives Roger mouth-to-mouth. By doing this, Steve accidentally becomes the host for Roger's egg and becomes pregnant.
Naturally, the family is concerned about Steve becoming a "father" and Stan is additionally worried that this will hurt his chances of becoming deacon. Hayley suggests that Steve could get an abortion but Stan refuses. In order to deal with the problem, he decides for the family to go to El Hospital General in Mexico, where Steve can have the baby in secret. There, however, Stan does end up bringing Steve to a doctor planning to abort the alien baby. Steve reluctantly agrees saying he is willing to do it for Stan. Stan, realizing how far he is willing to go just to beat Chuck White, decides to let Steve keep the baby and they return to America. Soon afterward, however, Betsy talks to Steve from his window and talks about how her life is miserable. They then kiss and the baby is accidentally transferred to Betsy who is the one now pregnant. Disowned by her parents, who believe she has "been doing splits all over town" and forced to move out to her aunt's farm in Iowa, Betsy tells Steve that she has never been happier now that she is pregnant. She no longer has to do gymnastics which was like a prison and now she is free. Stan then gives up his deacon position, pretending he is possessed by a demon.