Dope & Faith
Stan prays for a friend.
Season: 3 Episode: 3
Total Episode Count: 45
Prod. no.: 3AJN02
First Aired: October 14, 2007
Guest Starring: Eartha Kitt
Featuring: Stan Smith, Brett Morris
Also Appearing: Francine, Hayley, Steve, Klaus, Roger, Father Donovan, Avery Bullock, Terry Bates, Walter Ellis, Icepick, Hoppy, God, Ronald Reagan, Richard Nixon
Director: Caleb Meurer
Assistant Director: Mike Mayfield
Writers: Michael Shipley
Storyboarders: Paul Scarlata, Eric Fredrickson
Newspaper Headline: Uncle Insists: "Creepy is the new quirky"
Plot: Stan realizes that he has no one to hang out with. After praying for a friend, he meets Brett Morris, another ultra-conservative who is virtually identical to Stan. They share many interests including paddleboating, boxing and even get tested for AIDS together. However, their perfect friendship hits a snag when Stan discovers that Brett does not believe in God. Any attempts to convince Brett about God's existence only sour the relationship. Not wanting Brett's soul to burn in Hell due to his system of beliefs, Stan tries to make Brett convert by showing him things he considers proof of God (Kurt Russell's career, a woman in labor, a sunset and a rotting whale). These attempts fail which depresses Stan. To end his depression, Francine brings over a priest who says that people often turn to God in a time of need. After hearing this, Stan decides to make Brett's life miserable since people tend to look to God for guidance during a crisis. However, after Stan ruins everything Brett lived for; blowing up his house, spreading the bird flu at his restaurant, brainwashing his wife to think she's a lesbian and take the kids away, Brett attempts to commit suicide by jumping off a building. He just barely makes it out alive and, while he is in a coma at the hospital, Stan prays to God that if He brings Brett back, he will accept Brett's views the way they are. When Brett does regain consciousness, Brett claims he had a near-death experience and met God declaring he now sees there really is a God; however, Brett then says God rejected his entrance into Heaven on account of Brett's attempted suicide and that Satan promised to revive Brett if he helped spread the word of the Devil. At first Stan believes Brett may have suffered a hallucination but Brett presents a goat head guitar which he plays like a heavy metal star. Although initially appalled by this, Stan decides to make good on his word to God and proudly walks off with his friend. When Stan asks Brett if he still plays golf, Brett replies "Come on Stan, I am a satanist, not a poor person!"
Meanwhile, for petty revenge after Steve starts gloating of how special he is, Roger convinces Steve that he has been accepted to Hogwarts. Roger directs him to an old shack to embarrass him, only to discover it is actually a crack house. Nevertheless, Steve is convinced it is Hogwarts disguised by a cloaking charm and that the crack dealers are his professors. Steve also mistakes the foreign phrase,
"Lavate las manos", as the incantation for a spell, when he hears his supposed "potions partner" say it. Despite this, along with many similar misinterpretations, the crack dealers see Steve's skills in chemistry can be used to make cocaine for which they reward Steve with large amounts of cash. Roger then decides to use Steve in a scam to make money.
However, when Steve accidentally steals a brick of cocaine, under the opinion that he's doing extra-credit studying for "potions class", the dealers arrive show up with the intent of getting their coke back by killing Steve and Roger. Roger, who gets a faceful of a coke brick, goes berserk and kills them all after a drawn-out gun battle. Steve, easily convinced by Roger that his "professors" were in fact Death Eaters in disguise, is convinced he's the one who defeated them since his glasses were broken during the scuffle. Roger then proceeds to teach Steve a "potion" which consists of sulfuric acid and a hacksaw.