- Roger: Steve, look at those kids their athletes. When was the last time you ran any where? I mean with your actual legs not by pressing X.
- Stan: You're damn right I won't sue if you're paralyzed!
- Roger: If I have one more piece of vomit pie I'm going to pumpkin.
- Francine: I don't vote, it's just so confusing. I go into the booth pull the curtain and count to 10. Then I come, out yell "Democracy!" and run to my car.
- Steve: QUIT RUINING IT!
- Roger: Steve, I don't think a make-out session is going to help but I guess that's what coaches do.
- Francine: Here's a recipe for Black Muslim Bean Pie. I can make it "Allah mode". That means "God be with ice cream."
- Roger: [After slapping Stan in the face] Take that Sir! Behold a grown man weeping like...[Stan breaks a chair over Roger's face]
- Steve: That! That was your plan? Are you crying?
- Roger: Yes I'm crying, he hit me with a chair.
- Roger: Hey Steve, before the game how many ears did you have?
- Steve: [After Stan tries to hang himself] Ahhh. Oh my God, Dad!
- Roger: Hang on Steve he's still breathing. Stan are you trying to kill yourself or thrill yourself?
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