- Bullock: The torture variety pack is tempting. Heretics fork, metal spanker, anal tarring brush...
- Jackson: It's a barbecue set.
- Bullock: ...but who needs two of anything?
- Bullock: I'm going to fuck this fucker in the tushie! Hand me the anal-tarring brush!
- Girl: Oh Steve you're so nice, it's making me so horny for Trevor.
- Steve: Oh, you're one of Trevor's girl. Yeah, he's been hitting it pretty hard since his divorce.
- Roger: These are the same hands that choked Lisa Bonet when she beat me out of the role of Denise Huxtable on A Different World. That was a lie. The role was created for her, but I did choke her.
- Stan: Roger? Do you sell sperm too?
- Roger: Sell?
- Steve: [Captured by the CDC] I confess, I'm a good boy for hire!
- CDC agent #2: [On discovering that Steve's handkerchief is the source of the deadly virus] Mother of God...
- CDC agent #3: Conquistador measles doesn't infect the sexual immature.
- CDC agent #2: A class 5 virus going after a dweeb like you? Please.
- Steve: But it can still like me as a friend, right? And one day grow into something m...more than friendship?
- Roger: [Dressed as Santa] Wait a minute, was this our Christmas episode? What month is this?
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