"Hayley Don't Freak" is a parody of "Papa Don't Preach", originally sung by Madonna. Here, it is sung by Roger as he reconsiders being a surrogate "mother" to Jeff in "Roger's Baby", renaming the impending man-child "Tristen."
- Hayley, I know you're gonna be upset
- 'Cause you need me to birth human Jeff
- But you should know by now that I'm a bit crazy
- You helped to show me what I want
- My goal in life is to be a mom
- We're in this, him and me
- And I don't need Hayley
- Hayley don't freak, I'm in trouble deep
- Hayley don't freak, I need booze to sleep
- And I made up by mind
- I'm keeping my baby
- I'm gonna keep my Tristen
- Mmmmm, mmmmm...