Roger: Oh, my God! You missed it, some cameraman was just creamed by a bus!
Steve: Oh, my God!
Roger: I know! [smiles] Lunch?
Hayley: Dad, you can't let Steve and Roger stay in the tree house. They'll catch their death.
Stan: Nonsense. Death has better things to do, like remembering Tony Curtis already.
Steve: Kudos to the way you conned my dad into getting us this popcorn machine.
Roger: It was just a matter of finding the right way to combine the words "tasty," "low-fat," and "9/11."
Steve: Speaking of 9/11, I believe that was my dad's SAT score.
Roger: Then what is all this?
Steve: This is the New York Stock Exchange!
Roger: Like in the movie Wall Street? I thought that was Hollywood make-believe, like children of every color being at the same McDonald's.
Steve: But back home, you said you were about to make a fortune in silver!
Roger: RON Silver!
Francine: What's going on?
Steve: I can't live under the roof of a man who's forcing me to walk in his ignorant footsteps.
Roger: And I can't live under the roof. Literally, I live right under the roof, and I hate it.
Klaus: [dressed up as a cat] It's fun to play dress-up. Not all the time, but sometimes. Not this time.
Steve: Now to just type "fossils" into the search engine. And now to just separate the fossil sites from the porn sites. "Tyrannosaurus": fossil. "Babe-a-sore-ass": porn. "A Symposium on the Pangea Theory of the Permian Extinction..." Wow, that is some nasty porn!
Roger: I want a popcorn maker for my attic.
Stan: Don't be stupid, Roger. The attic is above sea level, and popcorn doesn't pop above sea level. I know, I've spent time in Denver.
Steve: So what's Denver like, dad?
Stan: Well, it's two thousand miles above sea level, so the winds are fierce. Hence its nickname, "The Windy City."
Steve: Wait, Dad, you can help me with my report.
Roger: Uh, Steve, I don't think that's a good idea. Your dad is kind of a moron.
Steve: Just because he doesn't know everything does NOT mean he's stupid!
Roger: Get your whore jacket off of me!
Steve: THE INTERNET IS DOWN!
Beauregard LaFontaine: Well, delicately kiss my pomegranates. I'm here to make a splash, too. I'm gonna join New York's long tradition of wealthy, obnoxious weirdos.