Roger: Oh, my God! You missed it, some cameraman was just creamed by a bus!

Steve: Oh, my God!

Roger: I know! [smiles] Lunch?

Hayley: Dad, you can't let Steve and Roger stay in the tree house. They'll catch their death.

Stan: Nonsense. Death has better things to do, like remembering Tony Curtis already.

Steve: Kudos to the way you conned my dad into getting us this popcorn machine.

Roger: It was just a matter of finding the right way to combine the words "tasty," "low-fat," and "9/11."

Steve: Speaking of 9/11, I believe that was my dad's SAT score.

Roger: Then what is all this?

Steve: This is the New York Stock Exchange!

Roger: Like in the movie Wall Street? I thought that was Hollywood make-believe, like children of every color being at the same McDonald's.

Steve: But back home, you said you were about to make a fortune in silver!

Roger: Ron Silver!

Francine: What's going on?

Steve: I can't live under the roof of a man who's forcing me to walk in his ignorant footsteps.

Roger: And I can't live under the roof. Literally, I live right under the roof, and I hate it.

Klaus: [dressed up as a cat] It's fun to play dress-up. Not all the time, but sometimes. Not this time.

Steve: Now to just type "fossils" into the search engine. And now to just separate the fossil sites from the porn sites. "Tyrannosaurus": fossil. "Babe-a-sore-ass": porn. "A Symposium on the Pangea Theory of the Permian Extinction..." Wow, that is some nasty porn!

Roger: I want a popcorn maker for my attic.

Stan: Don't be stupid, Roger. The attic is above sea level, and popcorn doesn't pop above sea level. I know, I've spent time in Denver.

Steve: So what's Denver like, dad?

Stan: Well, it's two thousand miles above sea level, so the winds are fierce. Hence its nickname, "The Windy City."

Steve: Wait, Dad, you can help me with my report.

Roger: Uh, Steve, I don't think that's a good idea. Your dad is kind of a moron.

Steve: Just because he doesn't know everything does NOT mean he's stupid!

Roger: Get your whore jacket off of me!

Steve: THE INTERNET IS DOWN!

Beauregard LaFontaine: Well, delicately kiss my pomegranates. I'm here to make a splash, too. I'm gonna join New York's long tradition of wealthy, obnoxious weirdos.

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