- Principal Lewis: His eyes are red from smoking weed!
- Steve Smith: I really can't believe you're an educator Brian...
- Principal Lewis: Ehh... My job is really more administrative.
- Roger: I'm sorry, but Snot loved Jenny... and Jenny loved Snot.
- Hayley: Ew.
- Steve: You slut!
- Roger: I have to say it was relaxing being an innocent young girl for a change.
- Steve: Innocent! You did it with Snot on the beach.
- Roger: Yeah, I did. Got sand all up in my Jenny dress, not to mention my gopher hole. Op! I mentioned it.
- Steve: I'm sorry I ever asked you for this favor. I should have known you'd take it too far.
- Roger: Yeah, you should have. You've known me for years Steve.
- Roger: [crying] Sons of Tucson, new on FOX? When was this on? I watch FOX, I never saw this.
- Steve: What is that?
- Roger: Oh, this? My stress ball.
- Steve: But there's a crack in it. [Roger nods] Oh, my God. That's how you've been...
- Roger: Relieving stress. Because this is a stress ball. And trust me, Snot's been relieving a lot of stress into this thing.
- Roger: I can't just switch personas like that. See, sometimes certain characters grab ahold of ya. And brother, they set up shop in the depths of your soul.
- Roger: I like Snot. He's cute and he's funny, and he treats me nice. Reminds me of a young Paul Reiser.
- Steve: He is nothing like a young Paul Reiser! He's Rob Morrow, on his best day.
- Snot: Once you've been intimate with a lady, you start to see it everywhere. Like in the sideways mouth of a bearded man.
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