Stan: [Imitating Bernie Mac] Boy driving me insane, got me talking like Bernie Mac.

Steve: Hey bitch, where's my Mickey Mouse towel?
Francine: I'm sorry! I'll try harder.


Stan: What are you doing? We had a deal.
Santa: Yeah, well I'm Santa and maybe now even a dumbass like you can figure out that I'm the bad guy.
Steve: That's what I was trying to tell you! Krampus was good. He cared about kids, Santa just spoils them.
Santa: And I make a hell of a lotta money doing it. Most of my portfolio is in toy stocks. [laughing]
Stan: That's why you give toys to everyone...whether they're naughty or nice.
Santa: The naughty kids buy the most toys.
Roger: Wait, what? Kids don't buy toys, you give toys away. does that make mone...
Santa: Do not overthink this! Just know that I'm in bed with big toys so I'm making money.

Jack Smith: Merry Christmas! And from your ass!

Roger: I've got almost too many hands for jobs.

Roger: What's with the speedo, Jeremy? It's too baggy. Is it a tandem speedo for two men? [gets in Jeremy's speedo] Even this is too lose. Mark, hop in here.

Roger: [to Stan] Looks like you got some stuff goin' on. Wanna tell me what you did? Wanna tell me who you did? Was it a boy?

Stan: Wow, full moon tonight.
Roger: Actually once you get above the clouds, it's always a full moon.
Stan: Is that true?
Roger: Is any of this?
Santa: Once we kill Krampus, you'll be on my permanent good list, Stan. You and Jesus.
Roger: But he's Jewish.
Santa: He is?!

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