Roger: He didn't have the Christmas magic. For elves, it's in the pointy part of the ears. [He holds up a "Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual"] Read your Bible, people.

Francine: Santa has kidnapped Steve!
Jack: Steve Harvey? Santa's gone too far this time!

Santa: So you're really not here to foil my plans?
Steve: No, I swear! I was just trying to have a nice Christmas.
Santa: Then what am I hassling you for? [to his henchman] Cut his throat. But make it Christmas-y.

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