- Roger: I'm not ready to die. Not before Shatner!
- Stan: [after finding the photo of Roger in the paper] How did this happen?!
- Roger: I have no idea. I leave the house in disguise, but six Rob Roys later, things happen that I can't be responsible for. Like buying this puzzle. Why the hell did I buy this puzzle?! [begins tearing the nearly complete puzzle apart] I hate puppies! Get out of that tea cup! That cup is for tea!
- Bullock: Dick, I believe you're up.
- Dick: I don't have anything for show and tell. I just found out I have liver cancer.
- Bullock: I'm giving you a zero for the day.
- Bullock: I need a new team leader.
- Jackson: Sir, I'm your man. I will not rest until the alien and all his accomplices are brought to just...
- Stan: He told me he hates you.
- Bullock: What?! Jackson, is this true?
- Jackson: Yes.
- Bullock: Get out of my sight! Smith, how do you feel about me?
- Stan: You're okay, I guess.
- Bullock: Good, then you're the man for this job.
- [Francine forces Katie out of the house]
- Hayley: Oh my God!
- Steve: That was terrible!
- [Both glare at Klaus]
- Klaus: Huh? Oh, oh yeah, yeah. Oh. Terrible!
- Roger: Guess I'm the boss of you! What's your name?
- Stan: Stan.
- Roger: Hmm, I already know a Stan. I'm gonna call you Mortimer. Now run and fix me a coffee. Today, Mortimer James! I add the middle name when I'm disappointed in him.
- Roger: I'll be in your car, wishing you had a better car.
- Stan: [To Roger] You have to take this seriously! Both of our asses are... [Bullock clears his throat] ...equally nice. We both have nice butts.
- Bullock: Make that three of us.
- Francine: Lefties are the devil's minions!
- Roger: [Injures himself with his globe] Why'd you let this happen, Morti? You saw it spinning, you saw me reach for it, and you just stood there. Why'd you just stand there?
- Roger: [Sealing a Ziploc bag] Yellow and blue make green. That's how I know it's closed.
- Nun: No! Evil! Writing with your left hand! Lefties are the devil's minions!
- Mah Mah: Mah Mah always hang up first.
- Roger: Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary!
- Stan: Roger!
- Roger: Aaahh! She's right behind me!
- Stan: There's your alien, men! I pooped him out!
- Francine: I'm a lefty!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Office Spaceman's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 3 | American Dad Season 4 | Season 5 >> | |||||||||
| #01 | 1600 Candles | #08 | Chimdale | #15 | Wife Insurance | ||||||
| #02 | The One That Got Away | #09 | Stan Time | #16 | Delorean Story-an | ||||||
| #03 | One Little Word | #10 | Family Affair | #17 | Every Which Way But Lose | ||||||
| #04 | Choosy Wives Choose Smith | #11 | Live and Let Fry | #18 | Weiner of Our Discontent | ||||||
| #05 | Escape from Pearl Bailey | #12 | Roy Rogers McFreely | #19 | Daddy Queerest | ||||||
| #06 | Pulling Double Booty | #13 | Jack's Back | #20 | Stan's Night Out | ||||||
| #07 | Phantom of the Telethon | #14 | Bar Mitzvah Hustle | ||||||||