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Stan: Ladies and gentlemen, the United States may be the greatest nation in the world, but do you know what the second greatest nation is?
Man in Crowd: El Salvador!
Stan: No, not Mexico.

Stan: Well, that's our show, folks. If you're interested in learning more about torture, follow an immigrant into your police station.

Roger: Stan, tell them the truth or they're gonna think I'm a liar.
Steve: That spaceship sailed a long time ago.

Stan: So, a lot of people think that C.I.A. stands for "Central Intelligence Agency". Not true, folks. Fact is, C.I.A. actually stands for "Stan Smith was born with both male and female genetalia".
Steve: That's not what we wrote! We don't go blue. That's the lazy man's comedy.
Snot: Balls!
Steve: [chuckles] Maybe we're working too hard.

Roger: You know what show I tried to save? The Ghost Whisperer.
Francine: It's still on.
Roger: Really?

Hayley: [after seeing footage of a porno film mixed into the CIA blooper reel] What the hell was that?
Francine: Honey, that's what you have to do after a man takes you to a fancy dinner.

Bullock: The Democrats have completely cut our torture budget. They're using the money to teach inner city kids...to read.

Stan: Lying is wrong! I'd know that if only I'd paid attention to anything that's ever happened to me before.

Stan: We need the money to fund official unofficial CIA torture.

Roger: "The bomb is disarmed!" [Crowd cheers] That's what I'm gonna say when I disarm the bomb!
Stan: Roger!
Roger: [Disarms bomb] The arm is disbombed! Damn it.

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