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Roger: [After falling from the table] Oh God, I've got a bear claw in my ass.

Roger: [hisses air through his teeth] Pretty sure I asked for pecan sandies.

Roger: [After Stan shoots Thor] Geez Stan, what gives? Holy Toledo, you killed your son's dog! And don't ask me to bring him back with that E.T. finger thing because that's a giant load of crap.

Roger: Hey, kudos on the biotch!

Roger: Uh, gesundheit?

[Stan shoots the toaster]
Hayley: It's just toast, Dad.
Stan: This time it was toast, Hayley. This time.

Roger: Oh, don't everybody help at once.

Iraqi Man: Oh, for Allah's sake, put some clothes on!

Passerby: Hey dumbass, your dog's half dead!

Stan: If I die, you must protect the clan.

Stan: Osama, is that you?

Carried-away
Stan: [After stealing a woman's purse] Ok, I got a little carried away back there.

Jeff: You know what Shakespeare said. I mean I don't, but I'm sure you do.

Stan: Hilary, look out for the mines!
[Explosion]
Hilary Duff: AAAHH!
Stan: What did I just say? You heard me. What did I say.
Steve: You said look out for the mines.
Stan: I said look out for the mines.

Principal Lewis: You can read! The system works! I'll be back for my stuff.

Steve: Whoo hoo hoo! I'm riding the buffalo! Yes! Yes, I'm riding the buffalo!

Steve: All periods will now be called Steves.
[Cut to a classroom]
Student 1: Hey, I'm thinking of cutting third Steve. You in?
Student 2: Yeah, as long as I'm back by fourth Steve.
Mr. Philips: So, if it's a statement, it should always be followed by a Steve.
Student 3: Mr. Philips, may I be excused? I'm having my Steve.

Roger: Holy frijole, I got an idea.

Stan: Francine, for God's sake, I got him!

Stan: Steve, I promise you, and this comes from years of experience, women are never right.

Stan: Damn it, Francine, we're having a moment here!

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Pilot (American Dad!)'s Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes

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