- Gertie: (Spits at the statue of Abraham Lincoln) That's for freeing the slaves, you negro-loving Yankee devil!
- Gertie:There you are. You send me to get you a churro, and then you disappear. Anyway, here's your filthy wetback donut.
- Gertie: Leave her alone whitey!
- Gertie: Leave her alone you two-dollar pie Pai Gow whore!
- Gertie: Give me back my wig, you scalp-happy red man!
- Bullock: Sit down Smith. Our analysists have confirmed that this is none other than the alien that escaped from Area 51, four years ago.
- Co-worker: My eyes!
- Stan: [accidentally spits coffee on a fellow co-worker] He's alive.
- Bullock: Naturally, recapturing this fugitive is our top priority. Then we can track down the bastards that have been harboring it and punish them brutally. [Stan spits coffee again] I mean really brutally, weird stuff, butt stuff. [Stan spits the coffee yet again] Somebody take Smith's coffee.
- Stan: I knew you couldn't resist a federally funded Dynasty exhibit.
- Stan: No one can ever know Roger was here.
- Steve: Don't you have any feelings?
- Stan: Son, feelings are what women have. They come from their ovaries.
- Steve: You're a monster! I have no father!
- CIA Therapist: What seems to be the problem?
- Stan: Well, I got into an argument with our dog. He expelled a large amount of xenoplasm, and then he died. Am I a monster for not feeling anything?
- Therapist: Well it depends, Stan. How close were you to this dog?
- Stan: You saved my life. How can I ever repay you?
- Roger: You got TiVo?
- Steve: Since Dad's a heartless bastard and all, I'm auditioning new father figures. Should I go with outwardly affectionate Tom Hanks, or consistently underrated Jeff Bridges?
- Klaus: Here's your allowance... five bubbles. Oh, what the hell, six bubbles. Don't tell your mother.
- Klaus: Now son, here's a fun activity my father taught me.
- Steve: But I feel weird washing Mom's underwear.
- Klaus: Nonsense! We're bonding! Now bury me in an avalanche of panties. Yah! Yah! Sweaty, sweaty sports bra!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Roger Codger's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| American Dad Season 1 | Season 2 >> | ||||||||||
| #01 | Pilot (American Dad!) | #09 | A Smith In The Hand | #17 | Rough Trade | ||||||
| #02 | Threat Levels | #10 | All About Steve | #18 | Finances With Wolves | ||||||
| #03 | Stan Knows Best | #11 | Con Heir | #19 | It's Good to Be the Queen | ||||||
| #04 | Francine's Flashback | #12 | Stan of Arabia: Part 1 | #20 | Roger 'n' Me | ||||||
| #05 | Roger Codger | #13 | Stan of Arabia: Part 2 | #21 | Helping Handis | ||||||
| #06 | Homeland Insecurity | #14 | Stannie Get Your Gun | #22 | With Friends Like Steve's | ||||||
| #07 | Deacon Stan, Jesus Man | #15 | Star Trek | #23 | Tears of a Clooney | ||||||
| #08 | Bullocks To Stan | #16 | Not Particularly Desperate Housewives |
| |||||||