- Klaus: If that were a real wish bowl it would be in the Ferrari of a 600 -year-old Incan on the way to his job as Jessica Alba's G-string.
- [Stan and Francine in the kitchen]
- Stan Did you get those Pecan Sandies I asked for?
- Francine: Oh I'm sorry, I forgot.
- Stan Pretty sure I asked for Pecan Sandies.
- Francine Try these Chocodiles.
- Phillip: [After Maria threatens Roger] Roger, right? I'm Phillip. I see you've met Maria. Hooh. She is a total c-word. Hey, we're all guys, i'll just say it. Cuckoo-head.
- Roger: What was she talking about?
- Phillip: Whoever sells the most cars by Friday, wins a week in Hawaii.
- Roger: Hawaii? That's where Japan goes to play golf.
- [After Roger accidentally gives Francine a black eye]
- Stan: Oh my God! These Chocodiles, Francine. Oh my God, these Chocodiles, Oh my God.
- Roger: You guys...save the poop flinging for the cast party.
- Roger: Oh look, that monkey has a Hayley on his ass!
- Roger: Cops already? What, are we next door to a freakin' Krispy Kreme?
- Stan: You're thinking about doughnuts, now?
- Roger: No, I'm just sayin' the cops got here fast.
- Stan: What the hell do fast cops have to do with a Krispy Kreme?
- Roger: Because cops love doughnuts!
- Stan: You are not making any sense!
- Roger: [to his TV] Don't you die on me, you bastard! You've never given up on anything before! Fight, damn you, fight! [blows into TV, gets electrocuted] Aaaaaahh!
- Stan: There's something you should know about me by now, Roger. I don't learn lessons.
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