- Hiko Yoshido: [after striking Toshi] Sloppy fingering. Do it again, and this time, make me feel it.
- Toshi: [translation] That's what she said.
- Roger: [whispering] Space rape.
- Greg: You gotta start early if your child is going to be exceptional. It's the only way to get into the Ivies. But don't worry, Francine. Hayley turned out fine. [he and Terry snicker]
- Francine: You guys are both bitches!
- Stan: Hayley, be our line judge!
- Hayley: Can't, I'm making a landing pad for when the aliens bring Jeff back.
- Roger: Okay, sweetie! [to Stan] I'm sure by now he's been dissected for science. Or for fun. It's pretty fun.
- Francine: No more games! I talked a lot of smack to Akiko's mom. You have to win that National Spelling Bee so that you can go to a top college and I can rub it in that kabuki whore's porcelain face! From now on, your whole life is words! [posts "anti-semite" on Klaus' bowl]
- Klaus: Hey! That's how you spell that?
- Bah Bah: Francine, quit playing around with your friend. It's down to two kids, and one of them is Steve!
- Hiko: Is the other one a Japanese girl?
- Bah Bah: Oh yeahhhh!
- Francine: Bah Bah!
- Bah Bah: I answered the question!
- Hayley: I also accept that you two jerks are the reason Jeff's been abducted in the first place, and now, [Grabs the shuttlecock] I'm taking your shuttlecock.
- Roger: She'll be back!
- Stan: Roger...I think you're in denial.
- Roger: No I'm not. [Angrily] I HATE YOU, I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU! [Nervously] If she brings it back, I'll feed the ninny! I swear! [About to cry] Oh, God, I don't think I can do this! I don't wanna be around people! [Sighs, then calmly] You know what? It is what it is.
- Stan: [Excitedly] Roger, you went through the five stages of grief!!
- Roger: But my species has six stages! [Roger kicks Stan in the crotch, Stan falls down in pain]
- Stan: [In pain] Was that the 6th stage?
- Roger: [Smiling] Nope!
- Hiko: I've got half the Yakuza looking for your sister. In the meantime, take the bloodhounds and search the city.
- Toshi: [translation] Shouldn't we call the police?
- Hiko: What? Why do you only speak Japanese? I don't even speak Japanese. Just go...go find your sister.
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