Stan Knows Bestedit

Stan knows whats Haley been doing

Stan Knows Best
Stan knows whats Haley been doing

Season: 1 Episode: 1
Total Episode Count: 3
Prod. no.: 1AJN03
First Aired: May 8, 2005

Featuring: Haley, Stan
Also Appearing: Jeff
Director: Pam Cooke
Writers: Mike Barker

Newspaper Headline: "Optimist Drowns in Half-Full Tub"

Plot: Hayley dyes her hair green at a Green Party rally, so Stan shaves her head while she is asleep. When she wakes up in the morning, a comment from Steve that she looks "as ugly as Roger" triggers some insecurities in the alien about his appearance.

Later the same day, Stan and Francine also find out that Hayley has a boyfriend named Jeff, whom they invite over for dinner. Stan acts like he liked the boy, but when Hayley goes out with him again, Stan has his CIA friends abduct her and bring her back home. Before that could be done, however, Jeff had invited Hayley to move in with him. Furious at Stan for what happened, and unwilling to live by his rules when she is already 18, Hayley moves out of the house, which prompts Roger to try and take over her room and leave the freezing attic where he's been living, but Stan and Francine veto it. She is stunned to find out, however, that Jeff lives in a van. Stan tries to get her to come back by renting a petting zoo and clown, which doesn't work, so he takes away her credit card. he also tries to put pressure on her by erasing the records of her tuition having been paid. Strapped for cash, Hayley goes to work in a strip joint as a waitress, but is soon convinced to strip.

Out to celebrate a colleague's first assassination, Stan and his friends go to Hayley's club, where he is appalled to see her dancing topless on stage. He then roughs up her boyfriend, thinking that he had put her up to it, but finds out that she had been lying to him, telling that she went out to "torch SUVs". The two then go to the joint to take Hayley out. When she resists, Stan is forced to beat all her colleague strippers into submission, with a little help from Jeff, only to find out that all the women there had started stripping because their fathers never supported their choices in life . Stan and Francine then decide to get Hayley out by "supporting her": they start attending her performances and howl at her as if they were customers. The strategy fails, as Hayley is more than happy with the money she's making, but she is forced to quit when, during an act, her wig falls down, revealing her completely bald head, which grosses out all the men present. She goes back home with Stan's promise to respect her privacy, but he secretly has his CIA friends tail her in her dates.

Meanwhile, Steve and his friends ponder about what they'll do in the upcoming school dance. The boys believe that they can never get dates, at least until they are in their mid-30s and rich, but Steve, despite the evidence on the contrary, refuses to believe and wagers that he will not only take a girl to the dance, but that he will bring his friends her bra, to prove it. After being rejected time and again, Steve finds out that the "sympathy routine" could get him a date. He makes a deal with Roger for him to pretend that he's Steve's sister who has had 98% of her body burnt in a fire and is "horribly disfigured". He then gets a girl, Kim, to come to his house to study and introduces Roger to her as "Hayley". It works, as Steve pretends to be the caretaker of his "sister" and convinces Kim to go to the dance with him.

On the night of the dance, however, Kim shows up saying that she can't stay up too late and thus would prefer to make out before the dance. She asks to see "Hayley" beforehand though, and her makeup tips turn out irresistible to an insecure Roger, who doesn't want to be called ugly. The alien goes crazy, forgets all about his deal with Steve and won't let Kim go to make out with Steve. When he tries to push Roger to remember the deal or forget the room he wants, they get into a fight and Roger accuses Steve of thinking that he is ugly and wanting to lock him away in the attic. Kim storms out vowing never to speak to Steve again, but when he thinks that he had lost his bet with his friends, Roger presents him with a bra that Kim had lent him.

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