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- Roger: The carpet match the curtains?
- Francine: How's everyone's French toast?
- Stan: Smelly and ungrateful. But this American toast is delicious!
- [As Hayley and strip club employee discuss exploitation of strippers]
- Strip club patron: Plus, to quote Camille Paglia, these ladies are "sexual conquerors controlling the channel between nature and culture." Take it off, bitch
- Stan: You look like a slutty wad of money.
- Hayley: No way.
- (Stan reassembles his gun)
- Stan: Yes way!
- Francine: Stan!
- Stan: Well, she started it!
- [Stan has a listening device and is listening to Jeff and Hayley from inside the house]
- Francine: Oh Stan, I can't believe our little girl moved out.
- Stan: Oh, Francine, you're gonna love this. Jeff, you know Jeff, Jeff lives in his van and the piece of junk just broke down right outside. Haha, she's not going anywhere.
- Francine: Stan, are you sure she's...
- [Stan breaks the window with his fist]
- Stan: Hey Hayley! At least the last time you ran away, you made it all the way to the stop sign. Haha, that's funny. I'm funny.