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Francine: Enough! Now tomorrow you two are gonna spend the day together and reconnect or I am gonna lose it! [breaks wine bottle on table] So help me God I will cut your pretty faces!
Francinebottle

[Steve knocks a bookshelf on Stan]
Stan: Something on your mind, champ?
Hayley: Steve, what are you doing?
Steve: Something we've both wanted to do for years, "sis." [tongue kisses her, as she tries to pull away]
Roger: Oh, my God! Everything that happens from this point on is just gravy!

Hayley: [hears laughter] What the hell! That's the burglar! Dad staged the whole thing!
Francine: Yeah, I get it, Hayley. I'm unrape-able, not stupid.

Stan: Before we adjourn, let's recite the NGA Oath. Hold hands. Come on, it's not gay, there's guns in the room.

Stan: See? Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Guns defend people against people with smaller guns.
Hayley: You're such a fascist!
Stan: Peace pusher!
Hayley: Murderer!
Stan: Hermaphrodite!

Hayley: NGA Land? A gun park?!
Stan: Yeah, Sugar Mountain closed down years ago. This is basically the same thing, except instead of riding a choo-choo through Fairy Book Land, you'll ride a bullet through a mugger's chest.

Klaus: [after Francine smashes a wine bottle] Ugh, that's the worst thing to happen to wine since the movie Sideways. That's right, America. Come get me!

Roger: What the... Hey, that was my cookie!
Steve: You snooze, you lose.
Roger: "You snooze, you lose," huh? Hmm, okay. Eat up. [narrows his eyes] Eat... up.

Terry: Our top story, a car was broken into Cherry Street this afternoon. My car. The suspect was 6"2 and a bastard!

Roger: Hey, you're in my seat.
Hayley: Sorry. Early bird gets the worm.
Roger: "Early bird gets the worm," huh? Huh. Enjoy the seat. Enjoy...the seat.

Hayley: I'm such a hypocrite!
Francine: Honey, he was robbing us. And he was gonna force himself on me.
Hayley: He said that?
Francine: Well, no, but I assume. [Hayley glares] What? You think I'm not attractive enough? That...That what? That he's just skip me and go straight to you? Well, aren't we conceited?

Hayley: But you were paralyzed by a gun.
Stan: No, I was paralyzed by you. Look, I'm not going to point fingers here, because I can't. Because of you.

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Stannie Get Your Gun's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes

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