Mertz: Let's see how virgin-y these two really are.
Vince Chung: Have you even touched a boob?
Steve: Yeah. I was breast-fed.
Steve: We need new headshots.
Snot: Dude, our headshots almost got us the "Oshkosh B'Gosh" campaign. I'm keeping 'em.
Stan: If the world discovered the CIA was cloning things, they'd shut us down for playing God. You know who else played God? George Burns, and he's dead.
Steve: We find two of the hottest girls around, we get their DNA, we clone 'em, and we bone 'em!
Snot: Naming your sex clone after your great-grandmother... that's a nice way to honor her.
Steve: Unclone! Unclone! Control-Z! Control-Z!
Shop Owner: What are you two doing here?
Steve: I know it looks bad, two teenage boys in a girls' dressing room, but I can assure you, we are only here to collect pubic hair.
Stan: [to Steve as the girls walk downstairs] I didn't think you had it in you; but seriously, slick trim, bro.
Roger: Oh, there you are! And only two hours late! It's okay, though. I can always get the next bus. It's fine. Yeah, it's fine that I spend my days taking care of other people's kids while my own kids are raised by my bitch mother.
Steve: That's a super-sad fake story, but we're not the only late ones. What about those girls' parents?
Roger: Actually, those are your girls.
Steve: This is awesome! In just two more days, they'll be the perfect age for prom!
Snot: And after prom.
Steve: How old do you have to be to go to the Waffle House? Oh, that's not what you meant.
Steve: Where did Snot and Glitter go? [He goes outside to see Snot and Glitter in the limo, and Snot holding something in his teeth] Are those condoms?! Snot, we said we weren't gonna sleep with our daughters!
Snot: You didn't say I couldn't plow yours!
Steve: But it was heavily implied! [sobbing] It was heavily implied.
Steve: [voicemail greeting message] This is the voicemail box of Steven Anita Smith. I'm "Anita" call you back.
Stan: No parent should have to bury their child... which is why your mother and I have arranged for you to be cremated.
Stan: [after shooting the dodo-Glitter hybrid] Yeah, I didn't think that one all the way through.