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Klaus: [Watching Meredith and Justin on television] I know I should root for someone in the family, but Justin has captured my heart. Oh, I'd love to throw it to his mom while he was sleeping like an angel in the next room.

[Hayley takes the bungie cord meant for Meredith and leaps over a cliff]
Host: Wait, how much do you weigh?
Hayley: [from over the cliff] Less than Meredith!. B-B-B-Burn!

Roger: [Interpreting a bar patron's drink order as a pick up] Whoa, you got the wrong idea. I'm not some prostitute who's going to take you to the back room. I'm a freewheeling party boy who'll slob your knob right here. Just untuck your Tommy Bahama and give me a little privacy curtain.

Francine: If they're acting like us, they'll never get out of there!
Steve: If they won't act like them, then we're gonna have to...to save them from ourselves.

Steve: They had free tai chi classes in the park. Do you want me to "cloud hands" you to the flippin' Stone Age?

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