Roger: I know "The Button." I used to cruise and sell Ecstasy there. You know, I created Ecstasy.
Stan: You didn't create Ecstasy, Roger.
Roger: I did too create Ecstasy. I'll prove it! Klaus, my files.
Klaus: I am not your secretary! [He spins in his bowl and reappears wearing a wig, lipstick, a dress, and heels] Now I am.

[Hayley is in the hospital]
Stan: I...might not be Hayley's father? You've cheated on me?
Francine: I'm sorry. It happened a few days before our wedding at my bachelorette party.
Stan: A few days before the wedding? While I was dealing with small details that ultimately made of the most beautiful day of my life? A box of flip-flops so the girls could dance.
Francine: I was freaking out that my life was changing. I was going from being this party girl to being someone's wife. And I got drunk and [sighs] It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Can you ever forgive me?
[Stan comes close to her]
Stan: You... big... whore. I don't know why I'm holding you like this. It must be very confusing.

Doctor: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, bad news. Your daughter's second kidney's only working at 20%.

Roger: You know how they take kidneys out?
Steve: No.
Roger: You'll walk into your room and there will be plastic sheets all over the floor. Before you can react, a man in a ski mask will tie you to a chair with an Indian braided belt he got on vacation in Santa Fe. They'll turn on some Huey Lewis, and then cut the damn thing out with a rusty keyhole saw. No antiseptic, no Novocaine, no nothing. Just the song "Hip to Be Square" drowning out your boyish screams.

Francine: Oh no!
Kelly Wilk: That's right! Ultimate Kellies!
Hayley: What's in it?
Kelly Wilk: Don't worry about it. Let's just say it's why Montel Williams has MS.

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