Roger: [picks up one of Sidney's books] "How Do You Do? A Gentlemen's Guide to Manners." This guy's a douche with a capital bag!

Roger: A bottle of whiskey and a Modern Bride, my good man.
Cashier: I'm a woman.
Roger: I don't want to fight. Just run the card dude.

Klaus: Oh, mein Gods. Like countless children and stoners before you, you have been enslaved by the four-toned succubus! Damn you, Hasbro!

McCreary: You're familiar with the first line of "Genesis", right?
Roger/Sydney Huffman: Well! I should say I am, sir. I should say I am!
McCreary: Does this sound right? "In the beginning God created the Heavens and the transvestites who pooped mozzarella dinosaurs."

Roger: Oh my God! I took a hit out on myself! And I probably charged it to me!...Still, miles.

Roger/Sydney Huffman: Rooty, tooty, fresh and fruity, I'm in a pile of doody!

Roger: Sidney is gone and this guy only looks out for numero uno.
Judy: All you care about is pizza?

Roger: Sidney, this is Roger Smith. You screwed with the wrong guy. Prepare to have your life destroyed.

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