- Roger: [picks up one of Sidney's books] "How Do You Do? A Gentlemen's Guide to Manners." This guy's a douche with a capital bag!
- Roger: A bottle of whiskey and a Modern Bride, my good man.
- Cashier: I'm a woman.
- Roger: Just run the numbers, dude.
- Klaus: Oh, mein Gods. Like countless children and stoners before you, you have been enslaved by the four-toned succubus! Damn you, Hasbro!
- McCreary: You're familiar with the first line of "Genesis", right?
- Roger/Sydney Huffman: Well! I should say I am, sir. I should say I am!
- McCreary: Does this sound right? "In the beginning God created the Heavens and the transvestites who pooped mozzarella dinosaurs."
- Roger: Oh my God! I took a hit out on myself! And I probably charged it to me!...Still, miles.
- Roger/Sydney Huffman: Rooty, tooty, fresh and fruity, I'm in a pile of doody!
- Roger: Sidney is gone and this guy only looks out for numero uno.
- Judy: All you care about is pizza?
- Roger: Sidney, this is Roger Smith. You screwed with the wrong guy. Prepare to have your life destroyed.
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