Steve: It'll be for kids like us. The dorks, the nerds, and the kids who are both stupid and unattractive.
Snot: Aren't those dorks?
Barry: No, dorks are often quite good-looking.
Barry: If you're from the future, who wins the World Series next year?
Future Steve: Rene Russo. Buckle up. It's a crazy season.
Future Steve: Here's the secret to life. If you're an awkward outsider as a kid, you end up being a rich, cool and very successful adult.
Future Snot: But a few days ago, we had a couple failures in the lab, and that was weird.
Future Steve: And when I got a memory of getting a blowjob in high school, we knew something was very wrong.
Steve: Oh, no. That's so bad.
Future Steve: Oh it is. I've had sex four times with three different women.
Steve Smith: You hear that, Snot? Someone came back for seconds. [Notices Snot isn't here] Snot? He went down to the party! He's gonna ruin everything! [Goes down to get Snot, but Future Steve grabs his arm]
Future Steve: Okay, go get him, but don't talk to anyone. Don't do anything memorable. Just make your usual zero impact on people. Your future depends on it.
Future Steve: And Barry, old friend, you died young in a Formula One accident.
Barry: Did a wheel hop the grandstand and take my head off because I was looking the other way because of nachos?
Future Snot: No, you were a super famous driver.
Future Snot: In fact, during your final Grand Prix you got blinded by the amount of tits being flashed in your face.
Future Steve: But you kept your foot on the gas, Barry. That was your way. No one had ever seen a blind guy drive so straight. If only it had been a straight course.
Steve: Sorry, ripped future me. Even though you're super awesome, I gotta do this for my best friend. [He walks over and rubs his future self's abs] I guess I'm saying goodbye to these.
Future Steve: No matter what your future, you can still commit yourself to regular exercise...