Hayley: You undressed me?!
Steve: No, Toshi did.
Toshi: [in Japanese] I wasn't gentle.

Francine: Let me get this straight, all of our vacations, the only thing that bought us have been a big fat fake lie?
Stan: YES! Yes to you and yes to the game.

Francine: [when she is rescued] You know, while I was out there I made a promise to God, I said if he saved me, I dedicate my life to him. Obviously I'm not going to do that. I'm starved! Did you bring any food?

Stan: Kids, you want to play "20 Questions" until we die? I'm thinking of a person.
Steve: Ronald Reagan?
Stan: Damn!

Hayley: We haven't eaten in four days. Damn it, Mom! Why couldn't you have jumped off the boat after dinner?!

Francine: Stan, we are going on a real vacation and this family is going to bond!
Steve: We could go skiing!
Stan: Or, here's an alternate pitch. Uh, stay here, watch the Duke game...just hear me out, I order boneless wings from KFC....hang on to that thought, Hayley, I take a long bath and then, wait for it... none of you are here!
Francine: Or... just hear me out...we stay home and for the rest of our lives together, every time you doze off, I'll slam a book on your testicles.
Stan: Did someone say skiing?!
Steve: Yes. I did.

Klaus: There's an old German saying: "don't blame the fish." There are other sayings, but they, um, mostly involve genocide.

Becky: Hi, I'm Becky, cruise activities director.
Steve: I'm Steve. I have five friends on MySpace and I'm waiting on approval from a sixth.
Becky: You're cute.
Steve: Oh, in a harmless little brother kind of way, right?
Becky: In an 'I've taken a lot of boys' virginity' kind of way.

Steve: Becky, thanks for getting us this lifeboat. I mean, lifeboobs. Wait... no, no, I was right.

Roger: Oh Franny, it's so awful the way they treat you.
Francine: I'm just trying to do something nice for...
Roger: Damn it! I still can't cry on cue, I'm going to work on it. What, no dinner? You're a terrible wife and mother!

Steve: Dad, can we go to Graceland?
Stan: Steve, if you want to pay your respects to a fat man who died on the toilet, we can visit your Aunt Mary's grave.

Francine: You’re just gonna put me in the goo.
Stan: No we’re not. Honey look I’m returning the goo chambers to CIA. [Stan talking to goo chamber movers] Ma’am don’t get any of that goo on ya it’ll rot out your womb.

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