Things You Must Not Touch is a song on the The Gentle Bearded Christian Sing-Along Hour that Stan creates when he takes over W-ANG Studios in "A Smith In The Hand". When Stan convinces the senate that television is responsible for masturbation, he replaces the station's regular content with 'Clean TV'. The song uses the melody of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
Stan: Lava, acid and your crotch
These are things you must not touch
Take it, son
Steve: Rest assured your eyes will melt
If you drift below the belt