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Stan: I can't believe that Roger can see the future!
Hayley: Now, hold on. I don't know if it proves that.
Roger: You know that note I gave you? Turn it over.
Hayley: This is my cell phone number.
Firefighter: Excuse me, miss. Are you alright?
[Hayley gives Roger a satisfied look]
Roger: Light 'em up, girl!
[Hayley flips her hair and gives the firefighter her number]
Roger: He's not gonna call. He thinks you can lose ten pounds, but that's why he doesn't call. He dies in that fire.
Hayley: So you didn't need to tell me about the ten pounds.
Roger: Someone needed to.

Roger:: There might be a lesson to learn from this, if I were the kind of guy who could learn lessons. But, lessons are not for me. Lessons are for schoolboys, schoolboys are for me! Red light!

Dr. Stack: It's gonna take more than a game of peek-a-boo with Dr. Baby to get out of this one.

Francine: I like to drive around and pretend I have zoo problems.

Robot: You have been randomly selected for racial profiling.

Helen: Safety off!

Stan: Roger's unbelievable; he...
Roger: ...knew that you'd want to eat chili dogs for lunch?
Stan: And then he...
Roger: ...knew in the third race, it'd take three bullets to put down Daddy's Lucky Girl?
Stan: And now, I'm...
Roger: ...getting tired of me interrupting you?
Stan: How did you...
Roger: ...know?

Klaus: Slam that door if I get really rich soon. [Roger slowly closes the door] Oh, so close!

[The Smiths have not left the house in three weeks]
Stan: It hasn't been easy. The toilet paper ran out before the food, so that was gross, but when we started eating the couch, we stopped needing toilet paper; the stuffing wipes itself on the way out.
Roger: Ok, this is bad. Wait. Where's Klaus?
Klaus: I'm right here.
Roger: Oh my God! Klaus, you're living in your own filth.
Klaus: I try not to talk so it doesn't get in my mouth. [Coughs] It got in my mouth.

[A falling telephone wire electrocutes several birds]
Steve: Flaps-flaps a zap-zap!

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